Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
