R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
