Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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