One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
