My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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