listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
