I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
