if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize