The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
