Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Your cock deserves a montage
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
