I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
