Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Congratulations! We have a period
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
