I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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