I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
