That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
