i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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