i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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