It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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