Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
