wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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