The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
