i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I touched a dick in church today
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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