i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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