What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
