are you so shy because you have an std?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
