Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
