I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
