Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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