i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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