Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
