he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize