when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
