tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
