Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
