Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
