So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
