Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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