Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
