he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
