apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
