Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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