dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
