I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
