I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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