is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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