WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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