I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
