Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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