Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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