just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
