You really coming over, don't trick.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
