Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
