watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
