Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
