I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
