After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
