I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
