First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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