He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
