she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
