Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you didnt know i had herpes?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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