I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
