Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
