Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
