I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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