God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm passing your future prison.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
