I showed him my bush... on skype.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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