Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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