he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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