You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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