Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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