I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
