Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
