she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
