I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
