I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
