Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
