after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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