So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
