My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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