The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
