I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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