I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He did a backflip because drugs
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