he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
